The last several weeks have been a blur for me. Busy at home, busy at work, busy as a wife/mom/friend/daughter/employee. The word that keeps coming to mind is “grind.” I feel like I just keep pushing through because you can’t just stop, right? So I put my head down and do a load of dishes (and then another, and then another…), and I get to work and I start on a to-do list that covers almost three pages of a legal pad, and I check Cooper’s blood sugar and keep up his food/bolus log and change his infusion site every few days. These things are never ending. They’re not always hard, they’re just….always there.
There’s a lot of chatter about maintaining a work/life balance, especially among working moms. I love my job, but I’m mentally exhausted at the end of most days. I love a clean house, but I want to choose reading over chores. I love hanging with Coops, but I crave rest. I love having me-time, but I feel guilty for shirking other responsibilities.
It is a grind, and it goes round and round.
That word kept coming to mind so often recently that I actually looked up the definition. My favorite is “to wear down, polish, or sharpen by friction.” ‘Worn down’ is what I’ve been feeling lately, but I like the idea that the grind is also polishing and sharpening me. I’m encouraged that working through this season will get me to a place of strength and balance and a little more wisdom.
For now, I feel the grind. I feel the friction and it’s often uncomfortable. But I hold on to the hope that I am being polished and sharpened for whatever comes next.