13

Oh, new year. You’re just around the corner and you’re heavy on my mind. I wouldn’t say 2012 was a waste (what a horrible thing to think of a period of time!), but it was definitely a blur. It was our first full year with diabetes. It was a year in which I was stuck between working and not working. It was a year where most of the “fun” Paul and I had was had separately because we didn’t feel comfortable enough yet leaving Cooper for an extended period of time. It’s a year we lived in a temporary dwelling and had no idea how long “temporary” might be.

Some of those things have already started to sort themselves out. We’re as settled as we’ll ever be with diabetes now that Cooper’s on the insulin pump, and we have an awesome support system that allows Paul and me to consider going on the occasional trip on our own. I’ve committed to focusing a little more on my career this year, which – in short – means working more. Working outside the home, yes, but also getting serious about some personal passion projects I’ve put on a back burner for several years now. And we think the end of temporary dwelling places is on the horizon (more on this in a few weeks!).

But what I’ve noticed most about this blurry past year is that I’ve let myself go. No, no, I’m not in sweat pants eating Swiss Cake Rolls (well…not every day…), but I stopped taking care of myself. It’s something that happens fairly regularly with moms, I think. There are others to take care of and provide for physically, emotionally, spiritually, and you slowly start to leave yourself out. A few months ago, I started really noticing that this had been happening over the last year, and I didn’t like it one bit. I absolutely feel like I need to take care of myself in order to do my best work as a wife, mother, friend, Christian, sister, daughter. So that’s what 2013 is all about for me. Making little changes that produce big results. Getting organized, getting healthy in my physical body, my mind and my spirit. Focusing on the things that are important TO me and FOR me. I like to think of it as a bit of selfless selfishness. I want to do better and BE better in all the various roles I play in my life, and for that to happen, I need to be healthy all the way around.

I do have a list of specific resolutions (the usuals: eat better, exercise more, read and study Scripture more often, procrastinate less, etc), but what I really want to focus on is being mindful every day that I am in control of my happiness and my attitude, even when I’m not in control of my circumstances. At the end of the year, I hope to look back and say, wow – I met my deadlines, I’m happy with where my career is (and/or where it’s headed), my family relationships are even stronger than they were last year, I traveled, I made my home a sanctuary, I’m physically stronger than before, my home (and by extension my life!) is more organized. Are these lofty goals? Sure. But they ARE do-able. And I’m excited about getting them done!

To focus my thoughts and give me some direction, the first book I’m reading this year is The Happiness Project. Can’t wait!

Controversial Kitchen…

I guess it really started about two years ago when Cooper was around 18 months old and loved playing with the broom in our kitchen. I thought, “Hey! They make kid-sized brooms, I should run by a toy store and pick one up for him. He’d love it!” So I went to our local Toys R Us and asked an employee where I could find the toy brooms. He directed me to the girls’ toy section called “Housekeeping.”

Housekeeping. In the girls’ section.

I wasn’t opposed to buying a hot pink broom, but was thankful when I found one in primary colors instead. I purchased it, took it home, and – as expected – Cooper loved it and has been enjoying it for two years (as a broom…a sword…an arm extension for reaching toys under the bed…).

The thing is it’s not like I don’t know what the “traditional” gender roles of our society are. And I believe they are – for the most part – based on truth. I do think there’s something in a girl’s makeup that makes her want to care for baby dolls and “play house.” And I do think there’s something in a boy’s makeup that makes them want to crash cars and make everything a sword. I think those things are going to come out, no matter what toys the kids have at their disposal.

What I didn’t like about what I saw at Toys R Us, and what I encounter all the time in kids’ stuff, is this message that there’s only one way to be a little girl and one way to be a little boy. You want to have a Housekeeping section in the girls’ toys with irons and brooms and baby dolls, great! But where’s the one for the boys? Not only do I want Cooper to have options for what he’s “allowed” to play with, but I also don’t want to raise him with this expectation that housework is women’s work. Paul and I have always shared household duties and I want Cooper to grow up with that idea as “normal.”

So, this year, as his “big” Christmas gift, Cooper got a play kitchen, complete with pots and pans, cooking utensils, and wooden food. Most of it was purchased at IKEA or from Melissa & Doug. Every time we’ve been around a play kitchen at school, at church, at the doctor’s office, Cooper has made a beeline for it and played happily for as long as he was allowed. When I posted photos online of Coops playing in his kitchen, I got several questions. “You got a kitchen? For your son?” Yes, people, yes. My boy loves to play in a kitchen. And why shouldn’t I encourage that? After all, aren’t most chefs men? The kitchen is a gender neutral area. I also bought my cousin’s two year old daughter a pack of brightly colored magnetic cars, and she adored them.

The foundation of our parenting philosophy is that our job is to produce not a good kid, but a good adult. To that end, we try to be really intentional about the way in which we teach Cooper lessons. What I want to teach him about being a man, through direct and implied messages, is that “real men” lead with love, step up to the plate and care for people who need it, are gentlemen, treat others with respect. If he wants to play with a toy kitchen in the meantime, who am I to object?

Coops playing short order cook

PS – I highly recommend the books Packaging Boyhood and Packaging Girlhood for more on how you can notice, think critically about, and combat gender-based messages that you may not want your child receiving. Both books are fantastic modern parenting resources.

God is with us…

Last week, in response to the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting, I posted this from Rachel Held Evans.

God Can’t Be Kept Out.

If you haven’t read it yet, I hope you take a moment to do so now. It is one of the most beautiful and encouraging things I’ve ever read. The gist is that, no matter how much darkness tries to overtake the world, God is with us and he cannot be pushed out of somewhere he wants to be. That doesn’t mean that we’ll be exempt from tragedy or that we’ll have an answer for the ‘why’ questions. But it does mean that no matter what happens, God is with us.

I posted that piece on Monday at about 2:30 p.m. At 5 p.m., I got the news that one of my best friends had died suddenly in her home.

God is with us.

There is quite a lot of talk right now about how a tragedy like what happened at Sandy Hook can be prevented in the future. But the truth is….we can’t. I can see how that would be scary for some or make people anxious. But I find a comfort in knowing there’s nothing we can do. No one at Sandy Hook Elementary did anything wrong that led to this horrific event. No one was negligent, no one was careless. It just happened, and there’s little we could have done or can do to prevent it from happening again.

There’s also a lot of talk this time of year about getting flu shots, getting plenty of rest, staying healthy with good food and physical activity. My friend Dina had enjoyed the best health of her life in the last three years. She exercised regularly, she had overcome some physical issues of the past, and she was absolutely the picture of health. On Friday afternoon she started feeling yucky, and on Monday morning she was gone. We later found out that she died from complications of pneumonia, but…..she didn’t even know she had pneumonia. Dina wasn’t negligent, she wasn’t careless with her health. But she reached the end of her life and there was little she (or we) could have done to prevent it.

God is with us.

We love to believe that we are in control. That if we could just think of every possible scenario, we could put precautions in place to keep bad things from happening. But we can’t. Bad things happen and will continue to happen until Jesus comes back. Living this life comes with a certain amount of risk. I’m willing to risk it to live the life I want to live. I’m willing to risk bad things happening in order to experience good things. And everyday I will be thankful….

God is with us.

REPOST: The Santa Debate

UPDATE: A few days ago, we ran into the Carolina Place Mall Santa in the magazine section of Barnes & Noble. Though Cooper’s not exposed to much Santa stuff (see below!), the outfit alone was enough to get his attention. He stopped in his tracks and said with awe in his voice, “Mama, wook at dat man…” I said, “yeah, do you know who that is?” Cooper: “Who dat is?” Me: “That’s Santa.” Cooper: “Santa?” At this point, Santa overheard us and turned around. He waved at Cooper and came over to talk to us. He asked Cooper what toys he liked, referring to Thomas the Train and Lightning McQueen (smart Santa!). Santa was super nice and, thankfully, didn’t ask questions like “Have you been a good boy this year,” or “What would you like me to bring you for Christmas?” Cooper was awed by the “Christmas man” we met at the bookstore and it was a really, really sweet moment. I was so happy he had that experience, even though – as you’re about to read – we don’t “do” Santa. 

Now that many of our friends have toddlers and Christmas is upon us, we’ve had lots of recent conversations about Santa. Paul grew up with Santa, I didn’t. I never felt gypped or like I was missing out on something. We knew the mythology and the story of Santa Claus, but we never believed he was a real man in a red suit who flew around delivering gifts on Christmas Eve. He was more like the mascot of the holiday. To this day, if my mom is going Christmas shopping, she says in a sing-song voice, “I’m going to see Santa today!” I’ve always enjoyed the stories and songs and movies about Santa Claus, but never for a moment believed he was a real person.

While I’ll probably use that same sing-song line with Cooper someday, here’s why we have chosen not to “do Santa”:

We don’t want to lie to Cooper. Ever. This is where the heat usually comes into the debate, so I figured I’d start here! Do Santa if you want, justify it however you like, but the fact is if your child asks, “Is Santa a real person?” and you say “Yes. Yes, he is,” you’re lying to them. We want Cooper to trust us and what we say and we want to respect him by always telling him the truth. So, even if there were no other reasons, this one would be enough. Yes, we’ll still watch Santa movies. Yes, we’ll still read Santa books. But we won’t ever say or insinuate that he’s a real person who brings the gifts on Christmas Eve.

We want to avoid an early crisis of faith. I know that may sound dramatic, but it’s happened before! Almost every person that believed in Santa at a young age has that moment they’ll never forget when they found out he wasn’t real and they’d been duped. Sure, most people laugh it off as a fun game for kids, but some of those kids develop a seed of mistrust of their parents. And for some that mistrust leads to questions like, “Well if they lied about Santa….are they lying about Jesus too?” Yes, Christmas is a super fun holiday for kids and a magical time of year. But we believe it’s magical because it’s a celebration of Jesus’ birth. We want to be very clear that Santa is myth, Jesus is Life. Crises of faith will creep in at various points in Cooper’s life, it’s part of growing up. But this one is avoidable.

We want Cooper to know the gifts are from us. This one’s the only one that borders on a selfish reason for not doing Santa! But I don’t want Santa to get the credit. I want Cooper to know that the gifts are from his parents and other people who love him, and I want to hear a “Thanks, Mom and Dad!” rather than “Santa knew just what I wanted!” on Christmas morning.

We want Cooper to know we give him gifts because we love him, not because he was good or bad this year. We want to teach Cooper that we give gifts at Christmas because we received the greatest gift of all — God’s son, Jesus. God’s gift to us was not based on behavior or a reward system. God gave us Jesus and Jesus gave his life because he loves us, not because we “deserved” it. To honor that gift, we want Cooper to know the gifts he’s getting are simply because we love him, not because he scraped by with enough good deeds to end up on the “nice” list.

Our parenting philosophy is that our goal is to produce a good adult, not a good kid. I understand why parents choose to do Santa with their kids. They want to keep the innocence and the magic that goes along with the myth, and it’s fun for them. I get that. But when you get right down to it, I think many also like having something to lord over their kid’s head. “You better not do that, you know Santa’s watching!” What a waste of a teachable moment!

No, teaching your child about Jesus and doing Santa are not mutually exclusive. You can do both. But why muddy the waters? Why start with a lie you’ll have to sort out later? Is the “fun” worth it? Is the gift of Jesus and the love your family shares not magical enough? Too many parents will go with the flow, never thinking about these questions. If you disagree with us or our decision, that’s fine. But please don’t be a thoughtless or “accidental” parent in the meantime. Think about the long-term effects of your parenting decisions and make the right ones for your family.

Oh, and Merry Christmas!!

#T1D4aDay

One of my very best friends is Bird. She was the first person I met on Emmanuel College’s campus, and we quickly bonded over our love of Gone With the Wind and musical theater. Bird is brilliant, caring, hilarious, and has been a solid for me through thick and thin. She lives in Baltimore now, but we make it a priority to be together a few times a year (like in February for the Oscars!). 

Last week, I found out about JDRF’s “Be Type 1 For a Day” program and shared it on my Twitter and Facebook. Bird immediately volunteered to participate. Here are her thoughts after walking in Cooper’s shoes for a day. 

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I was so excited to be a part of the Type 1 for a Day experience, but I was nervous about what type of text messages I might receive and what might be happening to me throughout the day. Through my conversations with Michelle and time spent with Cooper, I’ve learned a little bit about Type 1 Diabetes. However, I spent the night before the experience researching Type 1 and browsing the resources of the JDRF. I wanted to know more about high blood sugar, low blood sugar, signs and symptoms of both, and other common things I might face throughout the day.

On the actual day, I expected that I might begin receiving text messages very early. One of the first reminded me to take my supplies with me, since preparation is a key part of managing Type 1. I had a small bag in my purse to represent my supplies.

One of the next messages I received stated that my blood sugar was higher than it should be after breakfast, and sometimes there is not an explanation. I was frustrated and couldn’t imagine trying to understand and manage my or my child’s blood sugar while sometimes having an unexplained high or low reading.

The next text message said I was hungry and wanted to eat an apple. I knew I would have to know the amount of carbs in an apple, so I used two iPhone apps to help determine that. I was overwhelmed at the options, and realized I would need to know what type of apple and what size apple. I know very little about portion control and food measurements. I couldn’t believe how much research I had to do before I could eat an apple. I also realized that I seldom think about food in terms of fuel for my body and focus more on what I want to eat.

My next text said I needed to check my blood sugar but all my fingertips are sore. It said I could use the tip of my thumb as a backup. This message broke my heart. I have seen Michelle prick Cooper’s finger many times, and each time, I have admired how quickly she does this, how little it interrupts what he is doing, and how she lets him know what she is doing but does not talk about what is happening in a way that causes him fear. I thought about the first times she and Paul had to prick his fingers, and I was overwhelmed with how hard that must have been. I also thought about the practicality of remembering which finger had been pricked last and the many details people with T1D must keep track of in a normal day.

Throughout the day, I received a few more messages – that my blood sugar was low and I should drink orange juice as a quick fix,  that I was feeling emotional because my blood sugar had been uneven throughout the day, and (finally!) that my blood sugar was exactly where it should be, but I shouldn’t celebrate by eating carbs.

Living in Baltimore, my husband and I recently prepared for Hurricane Sandy by buying non-perishable foods and making sure we had enough water. We do not own a generator, however, and when I got a text reminding me to check my insulin supply in the fridge, I thought about the people who lost power throughout the northeast. I had never really considered the challenge of needing medicine that has to be refrigerated and what a loss of power could mean for that medicine.

Today was very emotional for me, because I not only thought of the many people living with Type 1 Diabetes, with each text message, I also thought specifically about Cooper, Michelle, and Paul. I have seen firsthand how they are living with Type 1 Diabetes. I’ve seen how much they have learned over the past year and how hard Michelle and Paul have worked to help Cooper learn about diabetes in a way that is age appropriate and empowering. I’ve watched them check his blood sugar and make it look easy. I’ve watched them give him insulin with syringes and insulin with his pump. I’ve even given him insulin with his pump (after following their very specific directions!). I’ve seen Michelle try to figure out the amount of carbs in 5 and half bites of a chicken quesadilla. I’ve seen them track down how many goldfish he ate in children’s church. I’ve seen them staying up for late night blood sugar checks.

But most of all, I’ve seen them walking daily in God’s grace and teaching Cooper that diabetes may be a part of his life (until he is healed or cured), but it isn’t the only part of his life. He is full of laughter, questions, imagination, creativity, amazing dance moves, and unlimited potential. He loves cars (the toys) and Cars (the movie) and of course, Hugh Jackman. He is an excellent Facetime partner and Angry Birds champion. He is one of the many amazing people living with Type 1 Diabetes. It was an absolute privilege to have the chance to experience, even on such a small scale, a little bit of his daily life and the lives of his parents.

World Diabetes Day 2012

Happy World Diabetes Day! We celebrate the birthday of Frederick Banting today, who was one of the scientists who discovered insulin and how to use it to treat diabetes. Here’s how you can help us celebrate this year!

* Send an email or (even better!) call your state representatives and ask them to support the Special Diabetes Program. Funding for this research program will END September 30 of next year if it is not renewed. The SDP is one of the most cutting edge and influential research programs in existence in the USA, so please, please, take five minutes and send an email or make a call. 

* Get involved in raising diabetes awareness and finding a cure through the American Diabetes Association.

* Learn about Type 1 Diabetes specifically and how you can get involved with the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation (JDRF).

* Find out more about World Diabetes Day and the International Diabetes Foundation who sponsor it.

Thank you all so much for being on this journey with us. There are days that are hard and days that are…less hard, but we are so thankful that there’s an amazing community of scientists, doctors, friends and fellow parents working hard and believing for a cure for diabetes. Everything you do – whether it’s an email, a phone call, a financial donation, a prayer or a blog referral — it all counts and it all means so much to us.

 

 

Special Diabetes Program…

In a sort of passing way, I understood that the government played a role in the research and development process for treating (and curing!) diseases before Cooper was diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes, but I’ve learned so much about just how huge that role is over the last year. 

The Special Diabetes Program is a federally funded initiative to combat, prevent and cure diabetes. If Congress does not act, the current funding plan is set to expire September 30 of next year. Please read the information below from JDRF about how you can help encourage your representatives to support the renewal of the Special Diabetes Program.

Thanks so much for your support!

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Dear Advocate,

For the past few months, we’ve been stressing the importance of renewing the Special Diabetes Program (SDP). Well, the time has (almost) come for you to take action!

On Wednesday, November 14, World Diabetes Day, we’re asking our advocates to call their Members of Congress encouraging their support of the Special Diabetes Program. As a reminder, the Special Diabetes Program provides $150 Million per year in type 1 research at the National Institutes of Health, which it has done since 1997, and we must secure a multi-year renewal this year to ensure research continues.

Due to the research the SDP has funded we now have access to therapies that can improve vision and are closer to the development of new technologies like the artificial pancreas. If the SDP  is not renewed we can lose nearly 35% of federal funding allotted to type 1 research.

Your call to Congress on Wednesday, November 14th, can make a huge difference for those of us impacted by type 1 diabetes.

As always, thank you for your support! We wouldn’t be able to achieve these legislative accomplishments without you.

Should you have any questions or comments, please contact us at advocacy@jdrf.org.

The JDRF Advocacy Team
Amanda, Brian, Hasan & Melissa